Why Can't I Hold the Door

Dear Men of New York City (and Minneapolis),
Why do you get angry when I hold open a door for you?
Does it somehow insult your masculinity?




I have noticed for a while now that men do not like it when I hold open doors for them. I don't even think about it, it is just something that I do. If someone behind me has a very large package in their hand, I will hold the door open for them since I know it will be difficult for them to reach the knob. If someone is going out the same door I am entering I will sometimes hold the door open for them. If I am going in the same door as another person behind me I will sometimes hold the door open or give it an extra push so it won't close before they get inside. I do this automatically because I have been trained to be a polite person, and plenty of people (men usually) do this for me. Women always seem grateful and thank me.

Men however, seem to not like this, in fact sometimes it seems to anger them and they will refuse to go through the open door. Which is silly, because not only does it waste their time, it wastes my time. Today I tried to open a door for a man at work because he had been about to exit just as I was entering, so I pulled the door open and stepped aside to let him go first. He just stood there staring at me like I was nuts. So I motioned with my hand for him to go. He finally said, angrily, "After you." If he would have just taken my gesture of politeness it would have saved us both sixty seconds of our lives. Or another time a man behind me walking into the post office was carrying a stack of packages so high it was covering his face, he could barely move, so I went ahead and pulled open the door to hold it for him. He said "No, I will get that for you." And then really strained himself to grab the knob from me and rearrange himself so he would be holding the door open for me, and all his boxes nearly tumbled to the ground. Or sometimes I will hold a door open for a man at a restaurant and he will say "No, I should be holding that open for you!" And they will trade places with me. It seems like men over 35 in particular find this to be weird or possibly offensive to them.

I do things like that without thinking of gender, like they just qualify as being a nice person. I don't think that solely women should have doors held open for them, because men sometimes need a hand as well. I don't understand, it's like some men think I am changing gender roles and treating them like a helpless woman. Really, just accept my door holding and exit please, it will save us both time.

I mean I think the whole "hold open a door for a woman, pull out a chair for a woman, carry bags for a woman, give up my seat on the bus to a woman" chivalrous mindset some men have is a nice gesture, but so unnecessary. I can be appreciative of it occasionally, but it can get to be a bit much. Just because I have a uterus and you don't don't mean I need to sit down while you stand, really only the elderly, pregnant, and injured need such gestures. Why can't polite gestures be for everyone, not just women?

(On a side note, when it comes to things like giving directions to strangers, swiping strangers on to the metro line, giving change, etc. I only do those things to women, probably because it involves social interaction, if a man is asking where a street is, I will ignore him. As a rule, if I ever hear a man trying to get my attention, I walk faster, even if I hear my name being said. Holding open a door is sort of something I just do before I have time to think.)

I twitter like a fiend.

I have finally caught the Twitter bug, though I've had an account for awhile now, I guess it took some friends using it as well for me to find any purpose for it within my daily life. Check it out, my life, in quickies: www.twitter.com/adrienneruth

Facebook Spamming

I seem to be getting these weird messages on Facebook from people who are listed as having gone to the same high school and university as me saying "Oh my god Adrienne! I can't believe I found you! I can't wait to catch up! It's been so long."
And I obviously do not know these people. Is this a new form of spamming? If so, finding people that went to a specific high school and university seems like it wouldn't be time efficient, I don't get it. Either way, they are not getting past the velvet rope on to my friends' list.

My weekend

Friday:
Studied French grammar in LES Whole Foods. Was Planning on doing homework all night but instead went to loft party in Williamsburg with Erin, filled with Parisian artists, I got to practice
my french despite me being drunk and not so adept. Later went dancing at place on Bedford Ave and 1st St, Ate part of an empanada from a guy selling it out of a cooler when Erin's crazy German friend insisted. Slept at Erin's.

Saturday:
Slept at Erin's until 1:30, was kind of hung over so went home and slept until 7.
Met coworker at Moroccan restaurant, even though I was supposed to meet D and Mel.
Coworker gossiped about guys at works and made jokes about them.
Ate too much food and danced with Belly dancer. Ended the dinner smoking hookah and sharing a dessert, actually felt a buzz from the hookah. Had an excuse to wear my flapper dress and feather sequined headband, I don't have enough excuses to dress up. Sat in the open air drinking red martinis. Poor Mel was waiting for me for three hours, we caught up in Dark Room and Max Fish, stupid boys kept asking about my headband.

Sunday:
Went to Economy Candy to buy old fashioned candy for sis's birthday, the obeses shoppers and my dislike for suits dissuaded me from buying anything fun for myself. Ash called, we went to the river bank and I did my homework laying on the grass. She pointed out lots of "fit" guys playing soccer. We drank beer at Schiller's and she later cooerced me into going to a gelato place even though I wanted something with cheese. Finally went and studied more French.

Accomplishments this weekend: Zero.
Must get to work.
I am a sucker for warm weather and social interaction.
Why can't I learn to spend more time alone?

MA woes.

I found some French novels and memoirs at Tea Lounge and realized I could pretty much read all of them straight through. However, I realized today that my language exam material will be using philisophical pieces, not novels or memoirs, meaning it's going to be pretty hard for me to pass it. I mean, Barthes is pretty confusing even in English, you take an essay of his on semiotics in a foreign language and I'll be luck to understand half of it. The only way I will pass is if I manage to magically become fluent in reading French by next week.

I am never going to officially graduate! Urrrgh. It's absurd because I finished all the classes required in December '07 (I took too many classes at once and finished them all in three semesters). It's so ridiculous. I told my friend D and she was like "Don't say never, I mean you know, in ten years you might have it." So lame. I wouldn't care if I had only gone one semester, but like, I did all the coursework plus three extra classes. What a waste.

I have been so stagnant in terms of life progression for like a good five years now, it's so frustrating, why can't I be more ambitious and confident?

A quote from an article on Star Trek (The Next Generation)

"An important feature of our characterization of sex objectification is that the sex object's ability to attract or excite her objective sexuality is the vehicle of her dehumanization. As if it were a feature of her personality that invited her dehumanization." -Lemonchek





I read that today in an article on Star Trek nonetheless. That is how I have always felt when anyone hits on me--dehumanized.

Tuesday I went to the launch party, all of the cheesy wannabe celebrities in the VIP section made me laugh, they were oh so snooty just because they happened to be on some reality TV show. That guy Christian (or whatever his name is) from Project Runway laughed at my outfit, it was like...get over yourself. After all of that I think I need some quiet nights in for a change.

New York Dolls

I'm interviewing the New York Dolls for Venus tomorrow, their new album was messengered over, it should be a good story though my list of questions keeps coming up short. Other than having them on my ipod and playing their album as a college DJ I know very little about them.